What if . . .

Now that we’ve made the decision to move Robert into our home, we have work to do! One contractor came to the house last week but he hasn’t sent me his quote yet (I’m anxious to get this moving along!). His ballpark figure was higher than I’d like but his specialty is plumbing which is what concerns me most. Robert needs a good shower with plenty of bars to hang on to as well as a built in seat (or at least room for a shower chair). He also needs a sturdy toilet since he’s kind of rough on them (and has broken one or two in the last few years).



The worse the "before" picture, the better the "after" picture


Hubby and his brothers erected a wall in the garage a few years back when we were using that space as an office but since we didn’t add heat or air, that concept didn’t last long and we now use it for storage. Embarrassing, messy storage of stuff accumulated over several years.

We do have help – hubby’s brother is a licensed electrician which is a pretty handy thing to have in the family! He already said he could do the electrical work which means dinner is on us for a very long time (somehow, though, the promise of a lifetime supply of veggie burgers probably doesn’t appeal to the man who single-handedly keeps Carl’s Jr. in business).

We also know a reputable air/heating guy (the husband of one of my co-workers) and I’d just as soon give him our business as some stranger the contractor drums up. We meet with him on Sunday (don’t worry, Jenn, we’ll pay him in actual money and not veggie burgers).

Robert still doesn’t know because as soon as I tell him, New Home will know. Robert will pack his bags and sit by the door telling everyone he is moving “tomorrow” so I have to wait at least until construction starts to let him in on this news.

Even though construction hasn’t even started yet, my mind is working overtime with the “what if” scenarios.

“What if” wonderful mother-in-law ends up in the hospital again while Robert lives here? Who will I call to stay with Robert while we all visit her or will we see her in shifts? Or do we take Robert with us (which wouldn’t be practical for a repeat of the time last week when we spent the entire night at the hospital). For short visits, he can go with us. We may have to see her in shifts for longer visits but what will help is for me to create a list of possible support people who I can call to stay with Robert in case everyone in the house needs to leave at the same time to deal with some crisis.

“What if” I have to work late during our busy months? That’s an easy one – I can work remotely from home when needed. Technology never looked so good!

“What if” Robert doesn’t like it here? I don’t expect that to happen but it might. Heck, he and I just might get sick of one another and need some space. He doesn’t really require someone to be with him all the time (as long as he is sitting or laying down) so we could (and should) let him enjoy time alone in his room (we couldn’t leave the house but he can go to his room and relax in a recliner to watch television or do his word search puzzle). I’ll figure out a way he can notify me if he needs something (cow bell, or vuvuzela maybe?).

“What if” I can’t keep up with Robert’s needs? I need to keep all his medications and doctor appointments straight. I need to make sure the meds come in on time and he has enough briefs, napkins and 7-Up at all times. I don’t know why I’m worried about this the most (well maybe it’s because if I mess up his medications, he’s going to land in the hospital). I’m organized, I can create charts and spreadsheets for any topic and I’ve raised three kids (and was a single mom for several years and juggled care and activities for my daughter quite well). I’ve thought about this a lot since making the decision (and, of course, before making the decision) but just tell myself I can do it (especially since I have a fantastic support system). I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.

Wait a minute – we can do it, we can do it, we can do it!

I have a wonderful and supportive family and know that we can do it but sometimes I have to wonder:

“What if” my family gets tired of always having to plan around having an additional person living with us? “What if” my hubby gets tired of having a “plus 1” when we are on the cusp of being empty nesters?

I am wondering these things out loud because there are millions of families asking these very questions when deciding to have their mom/dad/grandparent or sibling live with them (and may be afraid to say them out loud). The answer to each of the “what ifs” is different for each family and there can’t be a wrong answer to this very personal decision. The answer may also change eventually for each family.

I’ve allowed myself an out if things don’t work out. We can find Robert a home through his Regional Center if things don’t work here. I want them to work out but sometimes the decision to place a loved one in a care facility is just as caring and loving as deciding to share a home with them (heck, that was the decision I made for Robert two and a half years ago and it was the right one at the time).

Like all other caregivers who are given a variety of challenges which seem to change daily (sometimes hourly), we’ll work it out. Situations will arise that I haven’t planned for but I am confident enough in my problem solving skills and my supportive family, that we’ll be able to handle them. Caregivers have to think on their feet (which is not exactly my preferred way of solving problems) but we can do it. It’s going to be a team effort and I couldn’t ask for a better team.

And if the team gets tired, we’ll handle that too. We can do it, we can do it, we can do it!

(Now, let’s just get that contractor out here to do it!)